Behind the 8 Ball

Instead of waiting for the day when you can say, "I don't care," release the pain today by saying, "I care. I'm just not going to let it bother me anymore."
If it's not up to you to change something, then the only thing you'll do by being upset about it, is be upset about it.
Instead, try to figure out something that you CAN do, independent of anyone else's decision or power. If you can't think of anything, then focus on other things that are positive, and only deal with this when it needs to be dealt with, which is not 24/7.

By Doe Zantamata

Worlds connect, worlds collide

Worlds connect, or worlds collide.

Cherish, and give priority to your connections.

Remove, or distance yourself from your collisions.

~Doe Zantamata

In each of us, a world exists. It is made up of all of our experiences, our family, friends, thoughts, hopes and dreams. When two worlds meet, it is either a connection or a collision.

Connections are those who we find ourselves smiling when we just think of them. They brighten our days, and we brighten theirs. They encourage and inspire us to be the best versions of ourselves. They strengthen our other connections, as we become happier, more confident people. They strengthen us.

Collisions do the opposite. The mention of their name can turn a smile into a frown, and cause an inner panic. They cast a cloud over the sunniest days. They discourage us, and the only things they inspire in us are doubts and fears. They bring out our insecurities, and make it very difficult for us to be happy around them. They weaken us.

Those who you are connected to are not independent of your collisions.

If you have a feud at work, when you come home or talk to friends, you share the effects of those collisions with your family and friends. They want to be there for you, but it hurts them to know that you are in pain. It hurts them.

If you begin a volatile romantic relationship, it also stresses your connections. They may over time tell you that you’ve become a different person. You’re no different, you’re just choosing to be around a person who brings out the absolute worst in you, and it shows.

Some relationships can begin as connections, but when they run their course of time, if we still try to remain in them, they change into collisions. Little things that used to go unnoticed become incredibly annoying. Words are twisted incorrectly, actions are misperceived. We feel that we can do nothing right. When we’ve left a relationship emotionally and mentally, but still remain physically, that relationship becomes a battle. We stay sometimes over nostalgia, remembering the connection that was once there. We stay sometimes because of loyalty, or habit, but not because we’re bringing out the best in each other. We’re not even able to be happy when the other is near.

We sometimes view collisions as challenges, and we do most definitely learn a lot about our own self-worth and all of our hidden fears through them. But life was not meant to be a warzone. While we’re trying to mend the unmendable, we’re also breaking apart formerly strong connections with others. Once the major collision is finally gone from our lives, we wonder what happened to all of our other connections. At first they said they understood, but eventually, they did not anymore. In reality, we were the ones who stretched those connections past their limits, and eventually, they broke.

Value and make your connections your priority. When you have collisions, look within to see what’s causing negative reactions and feelings inside of you, and try to remain detached and unaffected by the blows. Know when you should be treated better than you are, and know that you cannot convince someone who thinks you have no value into someone who thinks you do. It is not a reflection on you, unless you believe it, too. If you believe it, it will become your mission to convince them of your worth, at the cost of all of your other relationships. Even if you win that battle, you’ll realize that it was not a prize worth winning.

Love and appreciate those who love and appreciate you. Realize the gift of being able to be yourself and have trust with people in your life, and make certain you keep those connections strong. They will share and lessen your pain when it’s unavoidable, but can’t be expected to understand why you’re choosing it in those times when it is avoidable.

They want the best for you, and will also share your joys as if they were their own…without envy. They are your gifts in life. Make sure to always appreciate your gifts, and never take them for granted, or they will eventually be given to someone else.

The time you make for your collisions will result in a life of unhappiness and regrets.

The time you make for your connections will result in a life of joy and memories of happiness.

By Doe Zantamata

It's about time.

It's About Time - By Doe Zantamata
There are almost 7 Billion people in the world.
If you were to spend only one minute with each person, it would take you 13,307 years to meet everyone. If you live 80 years, from the moment you were born until the moment you passed, you could only spend one minute each with 42 million people.
A billion is a thousand million. You'd never meet but a handful of the world's total population.
So how many extra minutes are you going to spend in relationships or with friends who don't appreciate you?
And how lucky are you when you meet and know friends and have relationships who truly value you? What are the odds that you would ever even meet?
Whoever said "Life is short" wasn't kidding.
If you're lucky enough to know people who love you and treat you well, always make time for them. If you don't know people like that yet, get out there and meet them...time's a wastin.'

Getting over an ex ...remember

If you really want to get over an ex-relationship, stop holding on to what you wish could have been, and remember how it really was. Fall out of love with past potential, and realize it wasn't right, and you are better off out of that relationship. If they could have done that or would have done that, they would be a different who you have not met yet, but may meet in the future. ~Doe Zantamata

Breaking up with love

When you break up
with someone, sometimes
it doesn’t mean that you
don’t love them anymore.
Sometimes, it means
that you love them
enough to let them go
because you want them to
be happy, and you realized
that you’re just not able
to be happy together.
~Doe Zantamata
Have you ever known a couple where you really like to spend time with them individually, but you really can't stand to be around them when they are together?

For some reason, some great people bring out the worst in each other. They love each other, but just can't get along. Sometimes counseling helps, or it was just a stressful time because of outside influences, but other times, no matter what they do, the relationship just doesn't work.

Often, we think that as long as we love someone, we should keep on trying to make it work, to be with them. But this isn't always true. Recognizing that you're either just too different, or that you just can't get along, the demonstration of more love and selflessness would be to let them go. Letting them go allows them for a chance at happiness, either alone, or with someone else who brings out the best in them.

While it's a lot easier to break up with someone with whom you've just lost interest, it is often necessary to end relationships that do have love but also have a lot of pain and frustration. Give it a try, give it a real try, with counseling and everything to see if it's just an issue of not being able to communicate or something that can be fixed.

But if it's not, then be able to separate peacefully and with love. Break ups don't have to be without love, and break ups don't have to be done in anger or extreme sadness. We can be happy for those we love, even if we're not going to be seeing as much of them anymore. It really is a choice.

The Big Day - Too late or too soon?

A month or so after a break up, you will either:

1. Feel like maybe you should have given it another chance, a little more time
2. Wonder why on earth you waited so long. (Oh that hindsight is so very 20/20!)

Whichever it is, please realize, that there is no “perfect day” to break up.
You will either feel one of these two things.
The most important thing is to move on with no regrets.

Emotions and relationships are not have good days, bad days, a good week, a bad month...this is why it’s so difficult to tell when it’s a rough patch or just a rough relationship.

Wherever you are in a breakup, if you feel you need to give it another chance, then give it another chance. However, know that you may end up in Category 2 afterwards.

That’s not the end of the world. Category 2 is actually easier to put behind you. You know that you tried EVERYTHING you could, and it wasn’t meant to be. Just let yourself off the hook if you haven’t yet.

You were not stupid, na├»ve, gullible, or anything bad. You just hadn’t learned the lesson yet. Now you have, so, great…you won’t need it again.

Category 1, also known as the “what if” category. Usually, you were right in breaking it off as well, but this category is most often guilty for people nostalgically thinking this was “the one that got away.”

It wasn’t.

You just got out of class a little early that time.

The most important thing is to move on with no regrets. Forgive yourself, forgive the other person, and keep the lesson with you always. As long as you do that, not one second was ever wasted.

By Doe Zantamata

Special Things

Just because someone doesn’t take care of special things,
or appreciate them as much as they should,
it doesn’t mean that those things are not really special.
All it means is that someone shouldn’t have
the privilege of having them anymore.
~Doe Zantamata