Shift in focus

It's not that I don't care anymore, it's just that I'm choosing to focus instead on other things.
Things that don't bother me.
Things that allow me to be happy.
~Doe Zantamata
Even after you've sorted through all your feelings. Even after you realize that the relationship wasn't right for you, even after you realize it's best that it ended....you'll likely still not be "over it" for awhile.

You didn't go from being 100% happy and content in the relationship to unhappy, and you won't be able to go from 100% unhappy and discontent being single to being happy. Emotions don't work that way.

You'll still get little triggers of memories out of the blue that when you think about them this time, you'll reflect and think differently. You may even feel some anger today about a memory from the past where no anger was felt at the time.

Be patient with yourself. Allow your mind and your heart to go through this process, but don't allow them to dwell on the same things over and over if all it does is cause you pain.

For example if you were talked out of your dream career by the ex, don't continue to be upset by what you now feel you "should have" done. Is it too late to start now? Is it really ever too late unless your goal was to be in the Olympics? And even if you were talked out of some big Olympic dream, can you still do something along the same lines, even if the ultimate prize won't ever be a Gold Medal and a global audience cheering for a few minutes?

Do the things you always wanted to do...now...nothing's stopping you.

If you wanted to travel somewhere but the ex didn't like to travel, go now....or save up and go when you can afford it...but go. That place will still be just as wonderful when you imagined it long ago, and now when you're there, you won't have someone at your side who doesn't want to be there. You'll be there by yourself, or with someone new who wants to be there, too.

If you find you're dwelling on anything from the past, become your own parent and give yourself some discipline. "Hey you, stop looking at that Facebook page. You'll just get mad no matter what and feel lousy afterward!" So what if they're in a new relationship. So what if they look unhappy or happy...if they're not in your life, they're not in your life. It won't make you feel better if you're still trying to sort out any anger to know what they're up to today.

Out of sight, out of mind. It's not just an old cliche...it's a true and very helpful saying.

Focus on what's in your life today, especially the great things in your life today that happened since the breakup. If there aren't any yet, make some. New friends, new experiences, new goals...things that could not possibly have been in your life before, but things that allow you to be happy today, especially when you give them lots and lots of attention.

Focus on you, focus on good, focus on now.

By Doe Zantamata

5 comments:

  1. At first I thought that this was just another "how to survive your breakup" page where people don't know what they're talking about. You hear and read these typical cliche's like "things will get better", which is obviously true, but in the beginning it doesn't help you much.

    This piece was a total surprise. I could see myself in this piece. This made me feel so much better. Thank you for that.

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  2. I am very impressed. Very good article

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  4. This is true that in a relation we didn't get all times happy. Sometimes it makes quarrel, sometime it makes fun. So this is our duty to keep the relation with others. I mean every one need to be sacrificed is the first issue to protect the break up of a relation. Check more information at here http://lovesagame.com/stages/

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