BreakupLife.com - by Doe Zantamata

Recognize your own worth and you won't be drawn to those who don't see it.  -Doe Zantamata Always be aware of your feelings. They are the voice of your intuition…your inner truth.  A lot of times in relationships, people are very happy and excited to be in something new, and are very complimentary and notice all the good little things. Then after awhile, especially in those who are insecure, they lose that initial "niceness" and instead begin to get comfortable.  Eventually, some start to seem to notice only the little things they don't like or that bother them, and have forgotten all about the good little things.  This can happen subtly over time, so it's good to keep track of your inner feelings at all times. If you notice not feeling right, don't second guess yourself or talk yourself out of it. Reflect on that feeling and what it means to you.  There are some people who feel that once a person is "hooked," they do...

You only need to hear and accept one apology, and it's not the one from the person who hurt you so many times. It is the one from yourself for keeping you there for so long. -Doe Zantamata

Without self-worth: "I'm doing my best and they don't like me. What's wrong with me?" With self-worth: "I'm doing my best, and they don't like me. What's wrong with them?" Remember, it's not called, "That person's approval-worth," it's called "self-worth." When you approve of yourself, you lose the need to prove it to anyone else. -Doe Zantamata

Decision: Get back together or break up forever? Take the pressure off of yourself with the following thought: There is no "wrong" action, just choices and consequences. If you go back and it turns out to be the wrong thing, you'll know for sure. If you do not go back, you may always wonder if you should have given it one more go, or you may feel peace and relief of not having the anxiety for the same thing to happen again that had happened so many times. There's a part in each that will be resolved in the outside world, and a part in each that needs to be and can only be resolved within you. If you feel hesitant, it could be intuition or at this point it could be self-protection/fear of not wanting to return to that which you know has the ability to cause you great pain. Wherever you go, go fully. If you decide to go back, do so with optimism and not with anxiety. If you do not go back, move forward in life with curiosity to the new and not with regrets ...

It would have been a great relationship if he had been more considerate, if he had made you more of a priority, if he'd been much more honest, and if he had been much more kind. But if he'd have been all those things, he'd have been a different person. So accept him as he is and let him go. That will make room in your life for the person who is all those things because he chooses to be, not because you wish he would become them. ~Doe Zantamata

Guilt is a powerful motivator. It holds people trapped in places they don't want to be. It will eventually be fulfilled by resentment over a feeling of wasted time. No one really wants to hold you against your will, but they may not realize they're holding on out of fear instead of letting go with love. When you realize you're facing either certain unhappiness or the chance at possible happiness, the decision becomes much more clear. What's best for the long term isn't always what's easiest in the short term. Follow your heart. -Doe Zantamata

First bliss comes naturally. Second bliss is a choice. It's the choice to trust, to love, to put yourself out there, knowing full well that you can get hurt. But you won't be able to live, love, and experience all the joys of life if you don't put yourself back out there again. It takes courage --a lot of courage-- but it's worth it. ~Doe Zantamata

An apology doesn't come with an eraser. Forgiveness doesn't mean memory loss. Once the house of trust is broken, it has to be rebuilt. Things aren't the way they were before, and they may not be for some time. If the person who wasn't truthful isn't willing to be patient and open to rebuild broken trust, then it may not be possible to rebuild. ~Doe Zantamata

Red Flag: "You are amazing. I am so grateful to have you" are good compliments which show that a person recognizes your worth. "You're too good for me" is not a compliment. It's a red flag from someone who doesn't feel that they are good enough for you. For you to make sense in their world, they will begin to look for things that are wrong with you and point them out. This can be quite upsetting, as you'll go from someone who could do no wrong to someone who can do no right. Even the tiniest, most unimportant things will be criticized. Insecurity causes envy, spite, and being critical of others. You can't fix them, but you can avoid having your self-worth attacked by choosing not to pursue a relationship any further. ~Doe Zantamata

If you ever look back on a relationship and think, "What did I see in that person??" It could be that your mind saw a challenge, it could be that your heart thought it saw love, or  it could be that your soul recognized an excellent teacher of self-worth. ~Doe Zantamata

Close your eyes for a few minutes, and think of a situation or relationship that’s been troubling you. Imagine letting that relationship go. Do you feel regret, or relief? Use your answer to determine if it’s time to try something different to fix it, or if it’s just time to try something different. ~Doe Zantamata

Looking for love can feel like searching for a missing piece of your heart. You will keep looking for that one special person who will complete you, until you finally realize that person is you. It's better to share a full heart with another person, rather than one that has a piece missing that they can never fill. ~ Doe Zantamata

If you really want an answer, stop asking, "Why am I being treated this way?" and ask instead, "Why am I putting up with this?" p.s. It's not "love." (~Doe Zantamata)

If someone swore to you that they were over their ex, then one day decided to go back to that ex... LET THEM GO. They are either: 1. A big liar or 2. Indecisive about their feelings Are either of those qualities really ones that you want in a partner? You may be tempted to try to win them back, or prove that you are the one for them. But you are not the one for them. You are the one for the person who doesn’t need convincing and who is emotionally available and completely present in your relationship, not partially claimed by some unresolved ghosts from the past. ~Doe Zantamata

You just have to be as good as you know how to be. For some people, it won’t be enough. You won’t be able to please them. For others, it will be too much. They won’t think enough of themselves to accept all that you have to offer. So you let them go. It hurts, it makes you question yourself, it makes you feel like maybe this whole love and trust thing is overrated. or that it isn’t really possible. Once you get through that, you’re free. Free to be yourself, and free to be able to enjoy people for who they are for as long as the relationship adds to both of your lives. Maybe it’s a week, maybe it will be forever, you can’t predict that from a smile. But whatever it is, it will always be worthwhile. You love, you live, you learn. There are no wasted moments. ~Doe Zantamata  

Sometimes  you realize that it wasn’t worth fighting for afterall. Hindsight is 20/20, but you can learn lessons from it. Never fall in love with potential, and some investments don’t pay off. Those lessons are not believed until they are realized first hand. Once they are learned, you will know them for life, and they won’t ever need to be learned again. ~Doe Zantamata

People don't often break up because everything is wonderful. After a breakup, it's normal to temporarily forget the reasons why the relationship wasn't working. That's part of breaking the attachment of the bond that was formed. To move on, don't dwell on nice things that are lost. Dwell instead on nice things that have been gained through the separation...everything good that is in your life today. ~Doe Zantamata

Being yourself is the easiest thing in the world to do. Trying to be someone else requires constant effort. So why do we try to change to become who we think someone else wants instead? Realize that true love is only possible once you love and accept yourself fully. It is only then that you will be able to love and accept someone who does, too. ~Doe Zantamata  

  THEIR PLAN A) see if friend who is always busy is free B) see what other friends are up to C) long phonecall with person who breaks up, or needs to vent about their relationship at least once a week D) errands/last minute plans/nap E) "can't miss" game/movie/show on tv F) spend time with you     Don't be someone's Plan F. If you're not important enough to them to be plan a or b, they shouldn't be important enough to you to sit around waiting until they have nothing better to do than spend time with you.   You're more important than that... even if they don't ever see it.   Always remember that.